It was acceptable in the 80s
Unless you’ve been hiding in a nuclear bunker for the last 3 years, you will have noticed that the 80s have had a comeback. It was just a matter of time. Leave it to fester for long enough, and your brain will soon be intoxicated with the fumes of nostalgia. Everything looks better in hindsight, which explains the continuing appeal of the Tory party, or the revival of harem pants. But enough with the outdated outfits. As I was saying, the 80s are alive and kicking and the Prussian capital is no exception to the winds of fashion. East and West differ however in how they approach this decade. In Friederischain, people born in the 80s are its main sartorial ambassadors, whilst down the Ku’damm everybody dresses like it’s 1989, and have been doing so since, well, 1989. Not a lot has happened down there since the wall came down. The city’s centre of gravity reverted to Mitte, the historical centre, and the money followed. Formerly the showcase of West Berlin, the Ku’damm languishes amidst an outdated projection of capitalism that now feels crass and vulgar. Consumerism still thrives of course, but under a different guise, and the Ku’damm feels so 80s. And let’s admit it, that was a decade that good taste forgot. Perms, mullets, clip on earrings, gold buttons and Lionel Richie songs…The Ninja Turtles had more style than that, but they were Ninjas.
Poor 80s, it always gets bullied for its questionable taste, when in fact all decades should be sent to the gulag for crimes against aesthetics and, most importantly, making you look like a colour bind geology teacher during your teenage years. Periods are always heavily curated before they are allowed to re-enter the mainstream. So when fashion editors rave about the 80s, they have Debbie Harry in mind, and not say, Chris de Burgh. This is of course a reconstructed vision of the 80s, filtered through American Apparel and adidas Originals, and worn by people too young to remember Chris de Burgh. For the unadulterated version, go down to the Ku’damm. Or don’t.
Incidentally, the nuclear bunker is on the Ku’damm.
Do Hipsters Dream of Postmodern Sheep?
Last Sunday I woke up suddenly saturated with East Berlin’s neurotic pursuit of the zeitgeist. It had all started on Friday in one of the cities countless cafés. I had gone up to the counter only to be confronted with a hipsterbot, who looked identical to the army of cooltaumatons that inhabit the capital’s Flohmärkte and art galleries. In fact, I’m sure that as I write, there’s a seriously ironic lab somewhere that cultivates these fashionable creatures in little petri dishes, using samples from vintage adidas tops. The specimen at the café had dark hair with a short round retro fringe and was wearing a top with seventies inspired prints in the only colours available during that decade: yellow, orange and brown. She was a hipster blueprint. She also looked a lot like me, or I looked a lot like her. I am of course no replicant. I am at least a Nexus-7.
Of Cold Weather
Today I acquired a winter coat. Not just a coat, you see, but a winter coat. These are a rare sight in London, partly because the capital is afflicted by a random amalgamation of meteorological phenomena, but lacks weather in the cyclical sense. Seasons in southern England are more of a cultural hallucination, a collective barometrical longing, than an actual physical manifestation. It also doesn’t help that English people have a penchant for wearing sandals in the face of - let’s face it - entirely inappropriate weather conditions. Maybe they haven’t got the hang of the whole Fahrenheit-Celsius conversion yet. Well, if they’re not careful, they might soon become accidental metric martyrs . In Denmark, where I spent part of my formative years, this just doesn’t happen. The weather is far less forgiving there. So you’re worried about hat hair? Well, leave the beanie behind at your own risk, and you’ll soon have no head attached to your neck, let alone hair. Frostbite can be so inconvenient. Besides, winter clothing can be beautiful too, as illustrated by my lovely blutsgeschwister coat
Well, do you think Shackleton went to the Arctic in a pair of Havainas?
Pocket detail
‘Have you seen the woman in the Moon?’ German legend inside the hood. Could it be a reference to Fritz Lang’s science fiction classic ‘Frau im Mond’?
